It began as one of Donald Trump’s most ambitious ideas yet. During a late-night press conference at Mar-a-Lago, the former president once again floated the idea of purchasing Greenland, calling it “a tremendous deal, probably the best deal in history, if I’m being honest.”
“I’ve always loved Greenland. Very icy, very cold, very big,” Trump said, pointing to a hastily drawn map that showed Greenland rebranded as “TrumpLandia.” “We could do some incredible things there. Golf courses, luxury hotels, maybe even a casino or two. And the resources? Tremendous. Tremendous resources.”
A journalist in the audience piped up, “Mr. Trump, how do you plan to pay for Greenland when your own financial disclosures show you’re drowning in debt?”
Trump waved off the question with a dismissive gesture. “Fake news! I’m not drowning in debt. I’m swimming in opportunities. Very different. You wouldn’t understand because you’re not a businessman, okay? Let me tell you something: when you owe money, that’s not a problem. That’s leverage. Banks love me. They’re begging me to owe them more. That’s how good I am.”
Behind the scenes, financial experts and political analysts were scratching their heads. Trump’s companies faced mounting legal battles, with billions in loans coming due and dwindling liquidity. Yet, he seemed confident he could secure the world’s largest island.
According to insiders, Trump had devised an unconventional plan to finance the purchase:
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A Kickstarter Campaign: Trump’s advisors reportedly suggested a grassroots fundraising effort. “Think about it,” he told an aide, “Millions of MAGA supporters chipping in $5 each. We’ll call it the Make Greenland Great Again fund.”
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Naming Rights: Trump proposed selling the naming rights to every glacier, fjord, and iceberg in Greenland. “Coca-Cola Fjord, Amazon Glacier. It’s a win-win. The big companies will love it.”
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A Reality TV Show: He pitched the idea of a new series, The Apprentice: Arctic Edition, where contestants would compete to develop Greenland’s untapped resources. “It’ll be huge. Think Survivor, but classier.”
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Barter with Denmark: Trump suggested offering the Danes lifetime membership to all Trump golf courses in exchange for Greenland. “They don’t even use it! It’s just sitting there.”
When Danish officials were asked for comment, their Prime Minister simply laughed. “He can’t even pay his own lawyers,” she said, “and he wants to buy Greenland? Good luck.”
As the story dominated headlines, satirists had a field day. Memes of Trump building golden skyscrapers on glaciers and hosting press conferences in snowmobiles flooded the internet. Late-night comedians joked that Trump planned to pay for Greenland the same way he paid his contractors—“He wouldn’t.”
Meanwhile, creditors watching from Wall Street reportedly began brainstorming ways to repossess Trump Tower if his Greenland gambit failed.
Trump, however, remained undeterred. “Everyone laughed when I said I’d win in 2016. They’re laughing now about Greenland, but we’ll see who gets the last laugh,” he said during another press briefing.
Weeks later, the idea fizzled as reports emerged that his campaign funds had been mysteriously redirected to cover his mounting legal bills. Greenland stayed in Danish hands, but the legend of Trump’s boldest—and most financially baffling—real estate idea lived on.
