The Windmill Conspiracy
Former President Donald Trump took the stage at a rally in Atlantic City, addressing a lively crowd with one of his most controversial theories yet. In his signature style, he waved his hands dramatically and declared, “Folks, I’ve said it before, but no one’s listening — the windmills, the big, ugly windmills out in the ocean, they’re driving the Welsh absolutely crazy. These poor people can’t take it anymore!”
The crowd murmured in confusion, unsure of where this was going. Trump continued, his voice rising with conviction. “You know, people are talking about it, very smart people. Wales — the beautiful, big, majestic Wales, by the way, bigger than most people know — are losing their minds. They’re so confused, they’re beaching themselves. And not just in Wales! I heard from a guy, a very reliable guy, that dead Welsh people are washing ashore too. On a weekly basis!”
The audience gasped.
“Yes, folks, dead Welsh people! It’s unbelievable. Sad, really. You know, Wales, great country, great people. I’ve been there. They love me there, by the way, the Welsh. But now, because of these windmills, their people are floating over here. It’s horrible.”
Journalists in the back scrambled to fact-check the claim as Trump leaned closer to the microphone. “And the media won’t talk about it. They don’t want you to know. They want you to think windmills are clean energy, green energy. But folks, they’re bird killers, they’re whale killers, and now, apparently, Welsh killers!”
The crowd erupted in a mix of cheers and bewildered laughter.
Backstage, one of Trump’s aides whispered nervously to another, “Did he mean Wales or the Welsh? Or both?”
The rally ended with Trump promising to “look into it” and “make the oceans great again” by banning offshore wind farms. Meanwhile, social media exploded with memes, theories, and debates over whether Trump had confused the Welsh with whales or if he had genuinely uncovered the world’s strangest ecological disaster.
In Wales, locals gathered in pubs, scratching their heads over the claim. One fisherman remarked, “If I see a bloke from Cardiff wash up on the beach next to a whale, I’ll start worrying. Until then, I think we’re safe.”
Trump’s bold assertion became the talk of the week, inspiring both ridicule and intrigue. But for Trump, it was just another chapter in his ongoing campaign against windmills — and now, apparently, their supposed effect on both marine life and the people of Wales.
